She may not have the votes, but her neckwear is ferosh.

Looks like you don’t have to know how to operate a gas-station coffee maker to cross the commander-in-chief threshold. The music makes it extra-hilarious.

It’s pretty complex. You put the cup under the little tap and you press the button. And then when the foam’s like a half-inch from the top, you press the button again so the cup doesn’t overflow. I operated one of these complicated machines in college every day. Until a Starbucks opened on campus and I switched to lattés.

From The Hotline Blog, via The Daily Dish:

After the entire motorcade pulled up, Clinton waited inside just a few moments as Wilfing got out of the passenger side and started the pumping process. With cameras mobbed together, Clinton hopped out of the truck without incident and joined Wilfing at the pump. She seemed very interested in the actual set up, acknowledging later that she hasn’t pumped her own gas in years.

Like I was saying…

Let me just say that I love The Jed Report – especially the videos. They are always right on the money. The “Shame On You” mashup after Hillary went off on that “Meet me in Ohio” rant, when Obama was running an honest campaign and everyone was like “What the hell is she talking about?” was classic, and “Bosnia and Back Again” is definitely worth a watch. Well, one of Hills’ latest zingers – “If you had my life, you’d be tough too” – has inspired another hilarious video mashup that actually runs with the theme of my last post. No one would be offended if she just said “Hey, you know, I’ve been very blessed and fortunate in my life. But I do sympathize with people who’ve faced rough times.” Mais non. She’s got to push it to the limit:

I’d love to know what about her life she considers to have been so difficult. I’m reading about her upbringing – two-parent household, mom a SAHM, dad “operated a successful small business in the textile industry,” two brothers, Girl Scout, National Merit, played tennis… That sounds rough. Then after she graduated from public school (maybe that’s the hardship) she went to Wellesley. And Yale. And bought a house and got married like right after law school. I guess that’s where it goes downhill? Hey, make like JT and Cry Me A River.

Wait, you know what, speaking of Dr. Evil, he has some advice:

I think Hillary is on to me. I’ve been checking her Flickr stream and apparently whoever their campaign’s photographer is has been hanging out with Bill the last few days. I’ve been looking at other people’s Flickr streams and the only fashion gems I’ve seen have been this palm tree-pineapple-whatever-thing scarf that I just can’t muster the stomach to write about.

I will say, though, I think it’s pretty weird for someone who’s worth more than $100 million dollars to wear the same scarf twice within a two week span. Particularly in a situation that involves being photographed 11tybillion times a day.

Maybe it’s another one of her clever ways of pandering connecting with voters. “I can relate to you wearing the same jeans four days in a row. It’s a leap year, and I only have 365 scarves. One is just gonna have to work a double.” Right-o.

It’s been a while. Sorry. I’ve been having some issues with the site. After chatting with the folks at Dreamhost who couldn’t figure out what the problem was, I decided just to back everything up, wipe the domain clean and start over. Of course I figured out what was wrong after doing all this, and the fix would have been extremely simple. Figures. On with the scarves!

This is what our girl Hills was wearing on April 20. April 20, of “420,” as it’s called, is a day of celebration in the marijuana-smoking community with quite a historic background. What am I getting at, you ask? Well, if you’ll think back to St. Patrick’s Day, Mrs. Clinton wore a shamrock scarf, I suppose, in a show of fake Irish pride. Doesn’t that scarf remind you of a Hawaiian shirt?

Behold, two of the most known purveyors of cannabis culture, Cheech and Chong. Check out Chong’s shirt.

I think that by wearing that scarf, Hillary was saying “Happy 420 y’all!” Of the three staples of pothead fashion, it is the most subtle. But If she really cared about the youth vote she would have sported this look.

Does your healthcare plan include medical marijuana, mon?

This is funny no matter who you support.

A few nights ago I was hanging out with some friends, one of whom has a six-month-old son she brought along. He was wearing an orange-and-green-striped t-shirt and orange shorts, and he looked pretty dapper. I said to my friend, “You know, babies have it so easy. He looks adorable. But If I went out wearing some orange shorts and and orange t-shirt I’d look like a fool. And I hope someone would beat my ass.”

Which makes me wonder. Is there nobody in Hillary’s circle of friends with the cajones to tell her that those yellow pantsuits she insists on wearing make her look like the Bee Girl from that Blind Melon video?

Aside from the obvious bumblebee comparison, what else is yellow and black? Cabs. Caution tape. “Wet floor” signs. What do cabs, bees and caution tape imply? Imminent danger. Is that what you want to be associated with Hill-dawg? We’ve got an election to win here.

A friend of mine sent me this. I’m not sure how old it is, but I’ve thought up a few scenarios as to what the hell they may be smirking about.

1. Hillary: “So, give me some tips as to how to play the ‘elitist’ card. Just in case.” John: “For starters, avoid making that smug face you’re making right now.”

2. McCain senior moment. He probably just asked her where Al Qaeda was. Or where the bathroom was. Bless his heart. Am I a gerontophobe, or is anybody else out there really vexed by the fact that someone who blames his gaffes on “senior moments” has a chance to become the Leader of the Free World™?

3. Seeing the camera, Hillary says to John: “Let’s pretend we’re friends.” John: “I still think you’re a trollop.” Click!

And don’t even get me started on the scarf. All I’ll say is this:

Man that gum was good. But it lost its flavor and got hard after like 12 seconds.

If you haven’t seen it, here’s a picture of HRC doing a different kind of scarfing: Slamming some fucking booze. After working in bars for more than five years, I can safely say it looks like she’s done this before. Great form.

I mean, can you blame her? Not only is she relating to the not-bitter working citizens of the state of Indiana with some Canadian blended whiskey (thanks NAFTA!)… but wouldn’t you turn to the bottle if you found out your hubs was dipping his chicken nugget in your (non-elitist of course) Grey Poupon AND the Polynesian sauce, the BBQ, the ranch dressing, the Taco Bell Fire Sauce AND some McDonald’s Hot Mustard? Hell, I would, but then again, I hit the sauce when I’m just looking for some warmth in my belly.  And, um, that’s sauce as in liquor, not sauce as in “dippin’ sauce.” Holy mixed metaphors, Batman!

I just hope she doesn’t go too crazy with the Crown so she can answer the phone at 3 am (which, conveniently, is when the bars close).

(Hat tip: Ben Smith at the Politico)

I was browsing through Hillary’s official Flickr account, checking out her ferosh array of scarves, when this photo caught my eye. How amazing is this guy’s jacket?  This guy is a patriot. Since one’s amount of patriotism is directly proportionate to the size and quantity of patriotic flair one sports on his/her clothing, this jacket is a triple threat. Hillary should wear this jacket on the campaign trail (maybe with a scarf with a picture of George Washington on it for added effect) just to provide a stark contrast against Senator Obama, who doesn’t wear a flag pin on his lapel and therefore, hates America.

Paired with the right shoes (black All-Stars maybe) it could look ironic and help her win favor among the under-30 hipster demographic. She really needs those votes, too. Worth a shot.